How should I treat my dominant girlfriend

How do I become a good cathedral - the Dominus guide

Fetish and Sex Practices Guide Overview

The Dominus humiliates and punishes his slave.

"Darling, I'm your submissive slave tonight!" Your sweet friend suddenly texts you. Your partner said casually that she would love to make love harder pace wish, sometimes with shackles? Many women want one dominant partner in bedto which they can surrender - and some have a cathedral forever. How do you become a real cathedral? In the following text you can expect important tips for your way to become a good Dominus.

What do dom and sub mean?

Hardly any extraordinary, erotic predilection has become as socially acceptable as sexual games of power and submission. In these special kind of constellations there is one dominant, d. H. leading and determining part, also called Dom, Dominus, Herr or Master and one submissive, i.e. serving and submissive part, also called sub or slave. Pain can play a role in this, but is of course not a must.

Discover your partner's most secret desires and taboos

Every submissive partner wants to be tied up, humiliated and chastised! That's not true, every woman is different. While a woman can excite pain during a chastisement, the other only wants a gentle pat on the bottom. With one you have to be very loud, another would like to hear the commands of her master in a decisive tone of dirty talk. Talk about the wishes and taboos of your sub before the role play and insert Safeword firmly.

Discuss with your partner beforehand what is and what is not allowed.

Let your partner keep an anonymous diary, either online as a blog or in a secure little book that is accessible to you, in which she has to report in painstaking detail about her most intimate experiences as a sub. As a good cathedral, you can track down your partner's most secret wishes and fulfill them with pleasure, because this is the only way to get what you want, a partner who does everything for you and shows complete obedience.

Be your own master

As a good cathedral, you have to have yourself perfectly under control in all imaginable situations. You are responsible for your partner and your common well-being. She has to feel safe with you both physically and emotionally. She wants one strong shoulderthat you can only offer her if you are master of yourself. Practice self-control and self-confidence. Show who is in charge and keep a tight grip on the reins. Your partner will thank you for your self-control with absolute submission and reward you with respect and obedience.

Dominant gestures increase the eroticism

An unmistakable look in the eyes, a decisive grip on the hair, a slap at the right time and an always firm and convinced voice: these are all ways to make wishes can lend emphasis in a dominant way and which many partners appreciate very much. As a cathedral, you can work hard where caresses are otherwise appropriate. Test bit by bit how your partner reacts to it and stop in time if you notice that it is getting too much.

Keyword control

Control is an important tool in making your partner absolutely willing. As Dom, you take over orgasm control. A good cathedral drives the partner to the edge of madness by always irritating her to the outside and then denying them the redeeming satisfaction. If the partner asks herself questions like: Can I finally come? Can I ever come at all? When can I or how often do I have to? Did you make it, because then hers is complete satisfaction in your hand.

The Orgasm control is a supreme discipline of every good master. The control over the climax can not only increase its intensity to gigantic heights, but also be an indescribable feeling for you as a cathedral. After all, the woman's complete satisfaction is in your hands. At the same time, control is also a Pressure mediumin order to have your own wishes fulfilled. Believe me, if you master this technique, every woman will do everything for you just to finally be allowed to come.

A touch of defenselessness

A cathedral must master bondage games.

Regardless of whether it is ropes, handcuffs or a strong cloth. Many things that are close at hand are suitable for tying up your partner. Always make sure that the cuffs are not too tight and that no nerves or sensitive blood vessels are irritated, otherwise there are no limits to your imagination.

Your partner makes a little bondage defenseless and in the best case completely defenseless. It is important that she cannot break the bonds on her own. Let her feel her powerlessness so she can let herself go completely. Only the use of the safeword may end a bond prematurely. Therefore, check in advance which restraints are firm but also harmless at the same time. If you then ignore her pleading and begging without batting an eyelid and only loosen the shackles when you see fit, she will be completely subservient to you.

Pleasure instead of pity

It may sound crazy to many, but As Dominus, your partner does not expect any pity from you, even in tough situations. Quite the contrary, what she looks for in a good master’s is Hardness, severity, dominance, defenselessness, humiliation. In the event of disobedience, the sub must be punished. Arguing, whining and begging for mercy are part of the game and must not obviously influence the sentence, otherwise the sub would gain power over you. Punishment can be bondage, verbal or physical humiliation, or chastisement. A good cathedral should only issue a pardon when pain thresholds are reached. In this case, too, he can convert the punishment, e.g. instead of being chastised, the partner has to satisfy her master with a blowjob.

Assignments and role plays

Think so imaginative role play for your sub out. Aside from shackles, let her only wear lingerie and a collar. Make up tasks for them with rewards and penalties, such as hot wax games or spanking. Let them read adult literature or watch BDSM porn together, which you then reenact.

Your duties as a cathedral in BDSM

The slave should not be in danger and she should be able to carry out orders.

If you have clarified the general conditions and taboos of a session with the sub in advance, you should discuss your sub within this framework strictly lead:
The sub must obey your commands and rules unconditionally and immediately. Yours Rules cannot be broken. It is very unsatisfactory for the submissive partner if your command is relativized. This would question your role as a cathedral and undermine the principles of the power imbalance. Therefore, you should only give orders and rules that

  1. clearly,
  2. executable,
  3. universal,
  4. harmless,
  5. apply non-negotiable.

In order to explain:

  1. Clearly means that the sub does not have to ask what exactly is meant or how exactly it should be carried out. Therefore, it is usually better to tell the sub what to do in great detail. Control freaks have an advantage.
  2. Executable means that the sub must at least try to carry out the command. Otherwise the relevance would be missing and the command would be meaningless for the sub.
  3. Universal means that the rule must also apply if the situation changes. For example, if the sub is to strip immediately every time he enters the apartment, the rule would not apply if the sub visits the apartment together with relatives. Such a rule would weaken the authority of the cathedral.
  4. An order must be harmless and must not put the sub in dangers that were not previously agreed, that go beyond pain limits or that could lead to permanent damage.
  5. Non-negotiable means that the sub must not be tempted to loosen the rule. The command "cook me something to eat" can be carried out in many ways. It is better when they say, "Now cook me my favorite dish".

Discretion and anonymity

No recordings or documents may be made public.

A good Dom understands that his partner as a sub is very vulnerable to third parties. Under no circumstances may the partner be outed as a sub. Photos or film recordings may, if at all, only be created and used within an agreed framework. If the relationship is broken, these are Documents to destroy unconditionally.

Conclusion: What is agreed and what is fun is allowed

A master / sub relationship can be very exciting and enriching. If you use these tips to learn more about other topics such as B. Reads bondage games, the role of the sub or BDSM and otherwise follows your instincts, nothing can go wrong.

What is allowed is what has been agreed and is fun for both. How far you can go in a relationship as Dominus, you notice as soon as boundaries open up. Treat your partner at eye level again after the role play. Under no circumstances should you continue to humiliate your partner after the role play has ended, unless you want to role-play the entire relationship. The best thing is to try out what is possible for both of you, slowly feel your way around and be respectful of the wishes and limits of both of you. Communication is everything - discuss what you want and what the rules are. One Signing a slave contract with her can help - sample here. Always remember: Sex should be safe, protect yourself and your partners from diseases.

Share the tips for submissive women with your partner here.

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This article was written by a freelance editor; The opinions expressed therein do not necessarily correspond to the opinions of

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