What fears a caligyphobe

Fear Of Women: 5 Tips To Overcome Gynophobia


Your everyday life is hell, because you are terrified of women (technical term: Gynophobia). Above all, the particularly beautiful representatives of the opposite sex will scare you.

Not only that speaking to the girls puts you in sheer panic ... eye contact or the common train journey with strange, pretty ladies are enough to trigger escape reflexes in you.

Dates, caresses or even sex and relationships are out of the question with this pronounced shyness.

The situation is difficult at the moment, but I'll show you a way how you can overcome your fear of (beautiful) women. So you finally dare to speak to her and maybe find a partner soon!

When men are afraid of women: practical example

I still remember my affected client Jürgen well. He was 28 years old, extremely shy and had been terrified of women for years - as a technical term too Gynophobia called.

At that time he came to me because the therapy with the classical psychologist alone could not help. Instead of just talking, he wanted me to show him how he can lose his phobia of the opposite sex in everyday practice.

What Jürgen (28) was all afraid of

The situation was not easy, because Jürgen was not only terrified to approach women and talk to them. There was so much that caused him agony in social interaction with attractive women:

  • Eye contact on the street, when shopping or in a café / restaurant
  • Being with them in confined spaces (buses and trains, elevators, etc.)
  • Addressing women and having conversations with them
  • Physical closeness, touch and more extensive intimacy, including sex
  • The very thought of female sexual organs
  • The fear of rejection (laughing at, insulting, etc.)

At 28, Jürgen had never had a relationship - but basically he was a completely normal man: slim, reasonably attractive and educated. Outsiders who do not know him would never have suspected that he suffered from this gynophobia.

No sexual interest in puberty

But what had been noticeable in his younger years: While his classmates began to be interested in the girls at school, Jürgen was still occupied with completely different hobbies at the beginning of his puberty.

He had to listen to swear words like "late bloomer" or "homo" from social circles, which offended him deeply and made him even more insecure in sexual terms.

At some point, after graduating from high school and starting his physics studies, he had completely missed the boat when it came to flirting and dating.

While the other men at his age had long had their first relationships and sex with their partners, Jürgen was still a virgin.

The feeling: The train in dating has left

Over the next few years, the feeling of alienation, shyness and fear towards women crept in ... until contact with them finally seemed to be an impossibility!

At some point, Jürgen gave up looking for a girlfriend.

Instead, he persuaded himself to be happy even without a relationship. But that was pure self-deception, because the longing for love and tenderness was definitely there.

The fear of beautiful women - caligynephobia

Incidentally, Jürgen's panic was particularly bad when he was faced with particularly pretty girls.

For that particular fear beautiful There is also a technical term for women: Caligynephobia or Venustraphobia.

The more attractive the blonde, brunette and black-haired beauties were, the more violently Jürgen's pulse raced upwards.

The panic symptoms were severe:

Out of sheer shyness, he turned bright red in the face, broke out in sweats and stuttered when he should say something in the presence of the ladies. He was particularly embarrassed because his thought was:

"Everyone is watching me and will interpret this shy reaction as being in love."

The consequence of this embarrassment: Jürgen's panic attack got even bigger - a vicious circle!

"Are men afraid of beautiful women?"

In the conversation Jürgen also asked me what the "objects" or "trigger of fear" (women) think about the whole situation ...

My answer: The ladies don't seem to have the problem that many men are afraid of girls.

Again and again I get e-mails (apparently from female writers) with the astonished question:

"Are men afraid of beautiful / pretty / attractive women?"

However, they cannot be blamed:

Since the ladies usually do not speak to men and have to conquer them (is usually our job as guys), they cannot empathize with this special phobia of women and do not worry about it.

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Cause: Why are men afraid of women?

I then spoke to my client Jürgen about the origin of his phobia. For him as a victim it was as much of a mystery as it usually is for the girls.

He looked at me and just replied lost in thought: “Why am I afraid of women? Hmmmm ... "

Then I explained to him that the causes of gynophobia can be many:

  • General shyness towards other people
  • Absence of the mother in childhood (e.g. due to a divorce of the parents)
  • Sexuality becomes taboo at home, especially during puberty
  • Experiences of abuse and violence (e.g. by mother, educators, etc.)
  • Clichéd, completely exaggerated images of men and women (also through Hollywood films) - and thus fear of not meeting the supposedly high expectations of women
  • Generally little contact with women in puberty due to a belatedly developed sex drive
  • Lack of sexual experience in dealing with women (keyword: male virgin) and the associated feeling of being inferior to more sexually experienced partners
  • Experiences of bullying, harassment and "baskets" in adolescence, for example by female classmates
  • Inappropriate feelings of shame and guilt about having sex with the opposite sex
  • Sexual identity crisis with self-doubt and the thought of maybe being homosexual

Fear of being humiliated as a man

During the conversation it turned out:

Actually, it wasn't (only) the women themselves who panicked Jürgen. Behind the gynophobia was the underlying fear of rejection and humiliation.

He believed that he was not “good enough” for women and that as a man he was sexually rejected, laughed at and exposed.

Jürgen was convinced that he would simply appear too unattractive to potential partners and make himself a total idiot in conversation if he would blush and stutter.

And whenever a candidate was there who openly showed her interest and wanted to address him, Jürgen believed in this situation that she was the victim of a bad, ironic joke.

How Jürgen still found a friend!

But what caused the phobia was ultimately not that important to Jürgen. The decisive factor for him was to overcome his social fear of women in order to soon be able to lead a normal life with love and relationships like other men.

And he actually achieved this goal of finding a girlfriend.

He achieved the seemingly impossible by breaking away from his ugly past and implementing all the instructions for addressing women in everyday life - with practical exercises that you can now also get from me!

Overcoming fear of women - 5 practical tips against gynophobia

One thing is clear: you can only overcome your phobia by erasing the old "hard drive" of fear in your head and overwriting the negative fears and thoughts in everyday life with new experiences.

Because if you as a man continue to convulsively avoid contact with women, the fear will also be maintained.

But as soon as you act ACTIVE and collect many positive everyday experiences with women, you will learn and feel that dealing with them is not that bad (even if there is a rejection in 3% of the cases ...).

And if the feared “catastrophe” does not materialize, the panic symptoms of gynophobia also decrease over time.

With the following tips you will gradually lose your shyness and become more and more self-confident in dealing with the opposite sex - also when speaking to and flirting!

1. Find your closeness and keep eye contact

If it is too difficult for you at the beginning, of course you don't have to speak to strange women immediately to find a girlfriend. Let's start very carefully to fight the fear or phobia, step by step!

That means: First try to seek physical proximity to women and to endure their presence. For example, you can sit across from a girl in a 4-seater seat on the train or stand behind her at the supermarket checkout.

In situations where women are sitting across from you or walking towards you on the street, you as a man should also keep eye contact instead of looking away immediately.

Longer eye contact is not easy at first, but it will strengthen your self-confidence. You will see: No lady will tear your head off or eat you up. Some even smile at you!

2. Hobbies and activities start where women are

Men who are afraid of women usually avoid any conversation with people of the opposite sex in everyday life, which is why they lack many positive experiences.

To combat gynophobia, start getting used to the "normal" social interaction with girls - initially without any sexual intentions.

To get to know each other, you can look for hobbies (clubs, music groups, gym, etc.), where a few women can also be found. Study groups at the university or “New in [City XY]” groups on Facebook are also a great way to get up close and personal.

If you meet a few nice ladies there, you should address them specifically and talk to them more intensively as soon as you have got used to their regular presence.

3. Talk to strangers in everyday life

Men with a panic fear of women are also very shy in life and often suffer from a general social phobia.

If you generally avoid contact with other people because you feel uncomfortable with them, you should break this habit as well.

Try to talk to strange (also female!) People in different situations in everyday life in order to overcome your shyness.

It doesn't have to be big - a little small talk at the supermarket checkout, at the hairdresser's or with the neighbor is sufficient. You can also seek advice from shop assistants in fashion stores to practice social interaction.

In this way you gradually lose your shyness and, as a socially competent man, you learn better and better to have conversations with other people.

4. Overcome fear of speaking to women

Let's get down to business slowly: At some point you should begin to seek contact with beautiful women in order to overcome your fear of them (especially caligynephobia).

You should also start flirting slowly if you want to find a girlfriend. I advise you, as a man, to address women specifically in everyday life, for example on the way to work / university or at lunchtime on the shopping street.

Of course, you don't have to fall around their necks right away. Instead of jumping into the deep end, you should constantly expand your comfort zone.

For this I recommend daily (!) Practical exercises:

For example, you can ask 3 passers-by for the time or for directions every day.

As soon as you can cope with this situation without racing your heart or sweating, you go a step further and add a compliment afterwards:

"Hey thank you, you are really very helpful, you don't experience that often here!"

or even braver: "By the way, nice scarf that you are wearing!"

Even if the thought of it seems like a horror movie at the moment, you will be surprised: The ladies love to get honest compliments from men!

If you have also managed this step, you try to involve her in a longer conversation and at the end ask for her cell phone number.

5. Allow touch and sexuality

At some point, your social fear of women will be alleviated to such an extent that you can at least speak to them and have normal small talk with them without getting shaky knees and beads of sweat on your forehead.

But physical closeness with touching due to "sexual shyness" will certainly still cause you great difficulties - especially if you have never had sex.

In order to cope with gynophobia, it is therefore important that you, as a man, get lots of dates with women in order to build up a certain intimacy with potential partners.

Because ONLY in this situation of a "real date" you can contact the 3 crucial factors that are important for a relationship later on:

  1. 1. Build personal closeness and intense trust in the opposite sex
  2. 2. Fear-free, tender touches, such as a hand on the shoulder or knee
  3. 3. Have intimate, sexual conversations without shame or guilt

I would like to help you NOW that you can get more dates in the next step and get used to being around women so that you can finally find a girlfriend:

These tips don't stop there ...

Do you want to get the exact step-by-step instructions - from overcoming your shyness to flirting to kissing on a date?

In my short video I'll tell you 3 more secrets:

"Anti-basket technology", like you Put aside your fears and talk to EVERY woman!

What you have to say (or write) to her with it she falls in love!

The secret # 1 kiss trick, to conquer her on your date!