Are you ready to be happy now
The three main reasons why you are not happy
When I read from a client: “You are not ready to be happy at the moment”, I often get crooked looks for this information. Only on closer inspection can the client go along and affirm that happiness can also overwhelm us.
Imagine, from now on everything in your life would be great: great job, loving partner, fantastic children, completely happy. What would you do? Believe me, you wouldn't jump through life with joy. Rather, you'd be looking for the hook. You wouldn't believe that your life can suddenly be so amazing. And that for one of three reasons:
Willingness to be happy - saboteur number 1: lack of habit
Your willingness to be happy is sabotaged by a lack of habit. A lack of habit means that your previous life has been streaked with many unhappy moments. Unfortunately, our trained brain has a tendency to memorize negatives more than positives. (Can you remember how many A's you had in school, or do you remember that one spot on Latin school work better?) What do we usually focus more on? What beautiful things can happen to us or possible hurdles on the way? In the expectation that something bad will happen, we also remember it more often.
Conversely, it means that you can establish a new habit. For example, introduce the Friday afternoon lemonade or the Friday afternoon sparkling wine. Everyone in your family or in your circle of friends is served their happiness drink and shares their personal moments of joy, their happiness and their small successes from the last week with the others in the group. And yes, if you as a mom actually got your child to bed at seven o'clock and they didn't get up again, then this is your absolute highlight of the week!
Realize that happiness, like unhappiness, is a habit. And make it a habit to think more of the beautiful things than the bad things in your life. So you can also expect the good (or at least allow the neutral and openly go into new situations).
Willingness to be happy - saboteur number 2: lack of permission
Your willingness to be happy is sabotaged by a lack of permission. That means that you forbid yourself to be happy inside. In fact, it happens more often than we think. Perhaps you too can sign the following sentence: “I can only be happy when everyone around me is okay.” You are more willing to sacrifice yourself for others than to allow yourself a moment of lightheartedness and happiness.
The fact is: nobody is helped if you feel bad. Personally, I don't think much of the saying “A suffering shared is a suffering half”. That doesn't mean you can't be emphatic and compassionate. Rather, it says: "If you feel bad, then I can still be fine." You will not solve the unhappiness and suffering of the other by crying with them. On the contrary: if you are fine, then you are strong. If you are strong, then the other person can lean on you. As a happy person, you can be a role model for others. Then someone who is not doing so well can come up to you and ask you, “How do you do this? I want this too."
The more times you give yourself permission to be happy, the more times you are happy. Even if everything is not going well in your life, there is surely a good and happy reason to enjoy the Friday afternoon lemonade or the Friday afternoon sparkling wine. The more often you are happy, the more often your happiness is contagious to others. So make the world a little happier by being happy.
Willingness to be happy - saboteur number 3: lack of action
Your willingness to be happy is sabotaged by a lack of action. In my opinion, a lack of willingness to act is the greatest and most powerful saboteur when it comes to our happiness. We are all sometimes stuck in situations where we say, “Well, I could be happy. Only my partner / my boss / my employee would have to behave a little differently. ”At that point we hand over the complete responsibility. We make our happiness dependent on circumstances that we cannot directly influence. In fact, most of the time we do this out of either ignorance or fear. Ignorance because we don't know how to behave and what action we can take. (Read the article "How you finally start to realize your dream - even though you are very scared"). Fear, because then our life could actually become happy and we no longer have anything to complain about. Sounds strange, but that's how it is. What we ardently want scares us at the same time.
Happiness makes us outsiders. That is our conviction. And you are right. You may be viewed as exotic. It is possible that people will come to you and question you provocatively because they do not want to admit that you are actually okay. They may be talking about you behind your back. And all because you are taking visible actions and they do not give you permission to do so. - Possibly (and attention, this is a daring theory for the brave;)) you will also inspire others and make their willingness to be happy a little more.
It is so important to me that we humans feel free enough to consider our happiness as a real possibility that I even want to personally inspire you here in the video to actively and consciously do something for your personal happiness.
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