What does Alok Kejriwal feel about Facebook

Maike Steuer - Heinz Kühn Foundation


from Germany

Scholarship stay in India

from October 30th to December 14th, 2008




Arranged marriage - a discontinued model?

Of Maytax

India, October 30th to December 14th, 2008





1. About the person 416

2. It all started at a café latte 416

3. The Internet as a Modern Hairdresser 417

4. Arranged is not arranged the same 420

4.1 Soul mate wanted 420

4.1.2 When good is not good enough 422

4.2 A Game 2 Won 424

4.2.1 Games2win 425

4.3 Time to Marry 426

4.4 Under a good star 427

4.5 A cycle rickshaw and a wedding 429

4.6 Actually, I didn't want 431 at all

4.7 “People like me don't marry” 432

4.8 I was ahead of my time 433

4.8.1 www.kamat.com 435

5. When love is stronger than all arrangements

5.1 It was only Bikaner 436 to blame

5.2 A love like a Bollywood movie 438

5.2.1 In the heart of Bollywood 440




5.3 The Orphan and the Slum Girl - John and Lalita 441

6. Amor by profession 443

7. Single among those who are mad about marriage 444

7.1 You have a German girlfriend? 445

7.1.1 “You should make us proud.” 446

7.2 Touching is allowed on the dance floor 447

7.3 Just get away 448

7.4 German for a life in New Delhi 449

7.5 single woman with 34 449

8. A film-ready ending 451

9. Dhanyavad - Thank you! 451




1. About the person

Maytax, Born in 1982, is a piece of reunification for two

Legs. Born and raised in the Hochsauerland, her family moved

1992 to Altenburg, Thuringia. Another 13 years and three internships at

Radio PSR, the Osterländer Volkszeitung and dpa later, celebrated their reunion

with NRW. During your bachelor's degree as an "online editor"

at the Cologne University of Applied Sciences she worked as a freelancer in the

Local editorial office of the Kölner Stadt-Anzeiger and wrote for its online offer

a weblog about her internship in Bangalore, India.

She has been with the German Academic Exchange Service since June 2008

(DAAD) in the field of "Information for Foreigners" as an online editor

active. She also writes for www.heute.de and has her research trip

documented in detail at www.trip2india.de.

2. It all started with a café latte

The difference between the two cultures is easy to explain:

“If you still live at home at the age of 30, you will be in Germany

looked at diagonally. The Indians, on the other hand, are surprised if it is not so. "

(Sudhir Kakar)

It was sometime in July 2007. Over half of my six month old

Internship in Bangalore, South India, and quite a few experiences in this one

chaotic, happy world that occupied me were already behind

me. The arranged marriage, for example. To marry a stranger to me

Choosing my parents was absolutely absurd for me. The regular

News in the Times of India of "unsuccessful" wives,

who had died for inexplicable reasons, who,

to escape their own misfortune, committed suicide or

divorced, even though it meant their social decline, spoke

also not for this type of marriage, low divorce rate

or not.

Probably only among the uneducated people in Indian

"Hinterland", like the small and small towns beyond the metropolitan borders

be designated, arranged married, I thought, but still

hardly in the younger generation of urban Indians. Like me there now

with my Indian salsa friends after the salsa training on Saturday

with a café latte and “Chocolate Fantasy” at Café Coffee Day

(CCD) - the Indian Starbucks - I put my theory on the





Next to me, in one of these extremely comfortable and very stylish ones

Leather armchair, Akash had settled down. Casual in jeans and a t-shirt,

with the open worldview of a 30 year old living in an American

Company has a well-paying job, he embodied to me

this new generation of modern Indians perfect. He always stayed at parties

until late at night, was never averse to a Cola Rum and smoked with me

Passion. In short: In my opinion it was so far from the traditional,

Indian way of life, like the earth from the moon. One of those

I was convinced that he would never get married in an arranged way. I was wrong


When I sipped it between two sips of cappuccino without extra cream and

Caramel syrup (the Indians love that) just asked about it, he replied,

without hesitation: “Of course I want!” Bass amazed, I asked why

and got an answer that couldn't have been more traditional:

“Because my parents know best who suits me. You have me with you

brought up certain values ​​and views that I respect and pass on

would like to."

After this memorable conversation my curiosity was not satisfied,

but even more awakened. I wanted to learn more about arranged marriages in

Know India, find out why couples chose this path

and have experienced reasons why even the CCD generation that on

drives western branded clothes, is absolutely crazy about mobile phones and with enthusiasm

in Café Coffee Day, the partner for life from mom

and lets dad choose.

3. The Internet as a modern hairdresser

Hidden behind a jungle of exotic flowers, palm trees and

The villa of Sudhir Kakar is located in Benaulim, Goa. His book

“Eroticism and Sexuality in India” got me on the trail of the famous Indian

Psychoanalyst brought. As intense as hardly anyone else has

the 70-year-old deals with the relationship structures of his people.

At the same time he knows from his studies in Hamburg and Mannheim

but also the European relationship box only too good. The best conditions

for an informative interview:

India has seen tremendous change in the past decade. The

Western influences in all areas of life are becoming stronger and stronger. How so

Still, do most Indians opt for an arranged marriage?

Sudhir Kakar: The couple is not the linchpin in life.

It's not like in Germany, where the couple says: 'Only the two of us count and




nothing else. ’Your own family remains more and more important, and therefore none

If there are problems with choosing a partner, it will be arranged. For the parents that is

Arrange at the same time to secure your own retirement provision

Love marriages are becoming more and more common, especially in metropolises.

Will the arranged marriage ever die out?

On the contrary! Arranged marriage is growing in popularity, as it was recently in

"Marriage Special" from "India Today" magazine was read. So is

the percentage of arranged marriages rose to almost 80 percent.

What could be the reason?

Arranged to marry is very convenient for the boy or the girl,

because the parents do the search and do all the work. In addition

the fear of choosing the wrong person is taken away from the children.

Normal partner search, on the other hand, is pure stress. It is also many young people

Indians want to actively involve their parents in the search for a partner.

How has the process of arranging changed?

An arranged marriage today usually no longer means: that is it and

get married now. The children have a say and are allowed to

Reject candidates. My sister, for example, has twelve times

'No' said. Falling in love first and then arranging is considered “arranged

marriage ".

And what about cross-castes or even cross-religious ones

Weddings from?

Another caste is unthinkable for the normal Indian family. Also

Weddings between Indians and other nationalities are very rare.

But it would be even worse if a Hindu were a Muslim or a Catholic

would marry because the culture is completely alien to them.

Even if the girl and the boy are allowed to meet several times and

all factors match, as they are strangers to each other when they get married. How so

does arranged marriage still work so well?

It works because most girls and boys don't do one before

or have only very casual contact with the opposite sex. The sexual one

The pressure increases in adulthood, they have no means of comparison

or an idea what it feels like to be in love, and

have been prepared for their wedding practically from childhood.

Contrary to what Bollywood films suggest, Indians are very cautious,

when it comes to public displays of affection. Only in the

Metropolises you can see couples holding hands or girls and boys,

who run arm in arm. Why is that?

In their hometown, especially the girls cannot afford

to show publicly that they have a boyfriend because it just wouldn't

theirs, but the reputation of their entire family, including that of their possible ones




ruin younger sisters. However, go to study or because of

of the job in another city like Bangalore, they are unobserved and trusted

therefore more.

Many couples have told me that dowry no longer matters to them.

How do you see it

That may be true for the “upper middle class”, but for a normal class

Families from the Indian hinterland are dear to girls. Accepted,

one family has two daughters and one son. She has to, even if she does

that would otherwise not require dowry for the son to the girls

also to be able to get married.

In the past few years, the number of dowry murders has increased, which is on

Consumer behavior of people lies. The families are demanding more and more.

Dowry is illegal under Indian law. A woman only needs at that

Call the police and claim that her husband demands dowry and that's it

he is arrested. Since some women also take advantage of this, the law should

now to be tightened.

In poor countries like Bihar, parents want a better one through dowry

"Buy" a man for her daughter. There are even fixed rates for how much a son is

from a higher layer 'costs'.

Arranged marriage versus love marriage - which form do you prefer?

There is no right or wrong. The cultural point of view produces

the amazement. This is how you would be looked at if you were 30 in

Germany and no longer live at home in India.

If there is something the Indians never, despite all western influences

would take over, it is western family life. That's a whole

bad model.

What do you think of the internet as a matchmaker?

In the past it was the village priests or hairdressers that many people knew

and acted as matchmakers. The internet has taken this place.

You lived in Germany for years yourself. What did you like?

I found the individual freedom beautiful, without this pressure in the back of my head

“What does father think” in everything I did. An Indian family can

also be overwhelming.

The family is the authority in the life of an Indian. And everyone else, yourself

casual acquaintances are referred to as 'friends'.

It all has to do with respect. Older people are basically

referred to as 'uncle' and 'aunt'. In addition, there is for every family member

whether now the eldest son, the first daughter of the brother or the youngest child

des cousins, a separate word in Hindi. For 'cousin' and 'cousin' only

there is no equivalent, because they are children of the family, so like 'brother'

and sister'.




4. Arranged is not arranged in the same way

It often resembles a dry cost / benefit calculation when Indian

Parents are looking for the right partner for their offspring. It's an equation

with multiple variables that ultimately results in "marriage" and at best

ends in love:

Caste + horoscope + education + wealth + appearance = wedding - love

Butterflies? Romantic feelings? Nothing! Kai plum would have

really bad cards in India because marriage is not considered in India

Climax, but seen as the beginning of a love. It shows

that there are many ways to happiness together. In addition to personals

in the Times of India or on one of the Indian dating websites

the most popular and most productive about relatives who enjoy the dome.

4.1 Soul mate wanted

Every Sunday the "Times of India" is much harder than any other

Weekday. Loaded with the hopes of hundreds of families, they are

“Matrimonials” more important than politics, business and culture combined. In which

The searcher does not simply use the common "He is looking for you" or

"She is looking for him" group, but is carefully divided into categories

such as religion, ethnic groups, green card holders, widowers, divorced people

and HIV-positive people. Not a single line is dedicated to gays and lesbians only.

It doesn't officially exist in India.

In abbreviated, cryptic formulations for their decryption

you would need your own dictionary, the advantages of the offspring

touted and disguised bad features. The fewest

are as honest as the math professor, 36, who hates dairy products


I will be among the “cosmopolitans” in the December 14th issue

Attention was drawn to an ad in 2008 because it was not labeled “Slim, pretty

and fair-skinned ”, but begins with“ Search for soul mates ”. Such

Emotional drudgery is actually far from the Indians when looking for a bride. Further

it says "... down to earth, with traditional Indian values, non-smoker,

Doctor / medical student for pretty Gujarati girl, 23, born

and grew up in the USA, a multicultural medical student

Family / relatives. Caste doesn't matter. Only serious inquiries. "

I interpret the last sentence in my favor, after all, it acts

serious research that still reflects the parental view of the




Things are missing. When I almost gave up hope of an answer

I get mail from Charu Saheba from Texas, the advertiser.

She has lived far from home for 26 years, but has still moved to the

Head set up an Indian husband for her "Gujarati girl, 23" too

find, after all, “the wedding is the union of two families, which is why

a lot of things have to fit. The same culture brings all natural

a lot of things in common. "

As an Indian, it is of course easier for her to assess an Indian

and tap him for bad qualities. That's why she chose

an advertisement in the "Times of India" decided.

The time was not chosen by chance, because it is high season for weddings

and many Indians living abroad, so-called "NRIs", are traveling home

to the Indian variant of speed dating.

The Saheba family does not know caste boundaries. Which doesn't mean that

anyone could take the daughter as wife. He should be Indian whether he is now in

England or Africa is alive, “because that would also be very convenient for distant people

Relatives who want to keep in touch with my daughter and her family,

in case she needs support at some point in the future. "

Mrs. Saheba denies that other cultures have beautiful sons

Not. However, more energy would then be needed to deal with cultural differences

to overcome and compromise. “Could also be that the

My daughter's children would have identity problems and none of the cultures

would really know their parents ”, she points out.

Also a certain IQ, the right training, i.e. a medical degree,

Saheba women expect honesty, loyalty and humility

of the new family member who, they imagine, is in the service of the

American health care should provide.

It doesn't matter whether the daughter herself or her family has a suitable boy

thinks: "My daughter has the last word." But before that happens,

the family's own grid is placed on each candidate. Only who doesn't

fails, has a real chance of becoming a lifelong member of the

Saheba clan.

The selection process has been running for three months and so far there has been none

End in sight. “We have already started looking because I

find it very difficult to find a suitable boy for my daughter.

Not because I live in the US, but because I detached my children

raised by American and Indian culture. I have you

teaches what is right and what is wrong on the basis of high moral standards

and she is brought up in the sense of a religion called humanity. "

The last sentence of your mail leaves me to a loyal and open home

believe: “I want her to be happy. If he has similar values




has positions and knows my daughter's environment well, it doesn't even have to be

definitely be an Indian. "

One day later, however, suddenly “Gujarati Girl, 23” emailed me herself that

actually called Ekta. Only after I swore to her not to say a single word

betraying her parents, she tells me her story. One that

doesn't want to coincide with what her mother told me. A,

which shows how unchanged great cultural rifts even after 26 years America

can still be if the parents are traditional Indian.

4.1.2 When good is not good enough

Ekta has been back from India for almost a week. 14 days are behind

her where she met many strangers. Eight families with

Sons whom their mother found worth visiting, but never one of whom she found

Will become a husband. Because while Charu Saheba eagerly profile the

23-year-olds on Shaadi.com and the mails on the newspaper ad

answered, Ekta made her choice a long time ago.

Three years ago, long before the topic of “weddings” first appeared

came on the table, she fell in love with one in her first year at university

Fellow students. “We both worked on a charity event

and ran into us during the preparations ”, remembers

himself Ekta. About three years older than her, clever, down-to-earth and funny - and


After two months and countless meetings, she told her parents about

that special person. She always had her previous dates

silent, because “there wasn't anyone who was worth it, my parents

initiate. "Her parents' reaction was typically Indian:" Stay

Make friends and concentrate on your training, ”writes Ekta, disappointed.

Despite the family rejection, the couple met secretly

further, in the hope that everything will turn out fine in the long run.

But after six months of secret love, what happened to Ekta

had feared: her mother began looking for a husband for her part

to look for her daughter. “My friend and I decided to wait and see

and later, when we were really sure of our love, still

to talk to my parents once. "

Eleven months passed without anything happening. “The only thing mine

Mother did at that time was to post my profile on Shaadi.com

and to work through the answers. ”In the middle of my studies and absolutely

disinterested in the progress of their search, Ekta let them go. "It

nothing came around it. "




Two years of happy secret relationship had passed by then

and her beloved Brazilian ready to kneel in front of her and

to hold her hand So she dared again and sought conversation

with their parents. “I reminded her of the boy from back then, and

that we would still be interested in each other and that he, although we have been so far

yes they were just friends, so sure is to spend the rest of his life with me

wanting him to be ready to propose to me, ”gushes

it literally out of her.

“I thought my sudden marriage intentions with a seemingly almost

strange boys wouldn't bother my parents because they themselves

Married half-arranged ”, says Ekta and adds a sad-looking

Smiley one.

They weren't shocked either - at least not about getting married

yourself. But probably about the fact that Ekta could even imagine such a thing

with a boy whose culture is so different from the Indian one. "We

quarreled, my mom threatened me and whined how much she of me,

of her elders that I was disappointed and that I would betray them. she was

really hysterical. "

You don't give her enough time to look for good boys, be too impulsive

and immature, there were further accusations. “She asked for more time for hers

'Search' and didn't want to believe that I would choose someone

who obviously doesn't fit in well with our family. After all, united

one marriage two families. ”Another sad smiley.

An almost hopeless situation that Ekta would have loved to avoid:

“I didn't want to be between my parents and the love of my life

have to decide. I wanted my parents at my wedding

have along. I wanted her as part of my new life, ”she writes and

Perplexity, fear and despair resonate between the lines.

Torn between family and boyfriend, she finally came to an agreement

with her mother on a compromise: she supports her mother in

the "search" for a while, although they have long since had "the one" for themselves

has found.

But the balancing act between your own wishes and demands

her parents put more and more stress on the young woman. The stressful study

coupled with the lingering tensions at home drove Ekta to the edge

of madness: “I had several breakdowns and thoughts of suicide.

I take antidepressants and see a psychiatrist once a week

- without my parents knowing anything about it. "

Her friend was the only one who stood by her and comforted her

have. In the end, it was his determination that gave them their chances

a common happy ending increased dramatically.




After another nervous breakdown, he persuaded Ekta to join her

Finally pouring out pure wine and making it clear to her that

she wants to spend her life with her Brazilian - cultural differences

or not. "I hope that time will show and prove to my parents

that I made the right choice. That I am happy and

my boyfriend is perfect for me and we make a great couple. "

4.2 A Game 2 Won

The sweat runs down Milind's forehead from the telephone receiver

he pressed tight to his ear. Because at the other end of the line is Rajita, his

possible bride that he now has to impress - and that in front of his assembled

Family who have taken a seat on the couch.

With this scene begins “The Great Indian Arranged Marriage” - a

Online computer game on the Games2win website, but nowhere near any

Fiction, as CEO Alok Kejriwal says with a laugh: “Every step, the Milind

in the direction of the wedding, corresponds to the reality. I have it that way myself

experienced. ”Although his parents, or rather his grandmother, still have a lot

were smarter than the online family: “When I was 20, mine said

Grandma, she would know a family in Delhi with a beautiful daughter.

I said no and thought she'd swallowed it. Finally she got

Back then up to six calls a day from families who were on "Boy Hunt" ",

says the 38-year-old.

Instead, the old lady took on her role as the internal family switching center

fair, and threaded everything backwards into “best James Bond

Manner "a.

A short time later at a wedding she presented her grandson purely "by chance"

featured a girl named Chhavi whom he immediately liked. "She is so

pretty and so funny, I raved and my grandma just grinned. Your instinct

she hadn't deceived. "

Grew up in very liberal, well-heeled homes, enjoyed

Alok and Chhavi have the privilege of working slowly and over a long period of time

to get to know. They met regularly for ten months,

hung out together and dared when Alok was just 22 years old,

which is very young even for Indian men. “That's why we wanted to go to the

no children either for the first six years of our marriage. Although the relationship

after the first wedding anniversary of course began to ask, “recalls

the meanwhile father of two. Instead, the couple spotted on

Travel the world and each other's characters before becoming a family





The fact that this happiness has now lasted for more than 16 years is astonishing

successful entrepreneur: "Love happens when the couple starts

to respect and discover one another - in India just after the

Wedding. It's almost like a love marriage. "

As the head of a computer game website with 100 mostly young people

He knows employees about the preferences and trends of the next generation

and has a simple explanation for why arranged marriage after

as before is very popular: "It's comfortable!" Many of his employees would have

besides the job and all other family obligations simply none

Time to search independently. It is very pleasant when the parents

would take over and make a preselection. "Therefore will

the arranged marriage will still exist in 500 years. We Indians are simple

programmed that way. "

India is a fantastic mix of East and West, but there are some things

he is firmly convinced that would never prevail here. “It never will

give a mass movement that suddenly wants to live alone. We Indians

are very god fearing with very strong family ties. Everything our

We don't make the gods angry. "

He probably won't do anything either if his daughters Anushka

(8) and Amaya (11) reach marriageable age. "I do not think so,

that we'll have to arrange something for them later because they

experience and learn so much and will make their own choices. If it

so far, we will be happy about the nice boy she has chosen

to have."

4.2.1 Games2win

Drive a taxi through Bombay, dress the bride or get married in an arranged manner

- Anyone can do that on the Games2win website. 500 million visitors

the online game portal counts every month from 206 countries,

which is the first of its kind to playfully depict everyday life in India. "We want

Show users around the world what India really is and theirs

Satisfy curiosity, ”explains CEO Alok Kejriwal. “We take life

sometimes much too serious, but India is so funny. "

Users can currently choose between 20 different “Indian Games”

choose, and the trend is rising. There is also a range of sports, thinking and

shooting games of course. A mix, the Games2win ranked 46th in the

global top 100 online games.

Brand new: Chandrayaan - Destination Moon, matching the first Indian

on the moon. www.games2win.com




4.3 Time to get married

Raparaparapa, raparaparapa it sounds through the night - my starting signal

on the hunt for an Indian wedding procession. The rhythmic

Following sounds, I will quickly find what I am looking for. In front of a shoe shop in the middle

Dozens of Indians are dancing in the street, shooting rockets into them

Night sky and throw white confetti at each other. Right in the middle of the

exuberant crowd, flanked by the lantern bearers, outshone

the bride in the sparkling, red wedding sari all. Her future husband is enthroned

on a heavily decorated horse, probably for sheer bling bling

no longer knows whether the tail is still attached.

Vijay Khandelwal, editor of the daily newspaper "Dainik Bhaskar", has

put me on the track. Thanks to him I know: Today is a good night

to marry. At least if you are Hindu and at the beneficiary

Constellation of stars believes. “Today is' Dev-Uthani Gyaras - the 11th

Day the gods awaken ‘and in Jaipur alone there are 1,000 weddings

instead, ”he says. 1,000 pieces, you have to look at this number on the

Let the tongue melt. This means that the new wedding season has one more

as an appropriate opening.

The harbingers of the great event had been bustling all day

through the city. Festively dressed and eager people on every corner

Men in rickshaws, bicycles or even on foot strangely shaped,

glass structures transported. “These are lamps to light the processions

to bring tonight, ”explained Vijay. He himself was on one

Elephant rode to his bride's house. Judging by his face

not an experience that he would like to repeat.

Unlike the 2,000 excited boys and girls who walk around

the "Phere - the sacred fire", only a few hours away, applies

Vijay as a man since April 20, 2008. Because even if the son or the

Daughter who have already passed 30, they will be in Indian society

only seen as an adult with the flower chain around his neck.

The Hindu counterpart to the Christian ring was put by Vijay of the 26-year-old

Minel around. He had met two girls before her, but both had

a flaw: "I would have taken the first one, but her parents said no,

because there was a couple of misunderstandings. The second was also very nice, but

after the meeting, it turned out that her parents had lied. Instead of one

Years younger, she was actually five months older than me. "

His uncle eventually put him in touch with the von Minel family.

“He said there was a girl in Gujarat who would be a good match for me

would ”, remembers the 28-year-old. "And he was right!" Just like Vijay

she came from the Bunkar caste, was pretty, intelligent and relatively tall,




although this criterion, despite his own non-Indian 1.87 meters,

didn't matter.

The first meeting in February 2008 was followed by glowing phone lines

in the next few days and the quick decision: We're getting married! The above

The year-long search for the right person was over. Not only is he

would have allowed more time, but also more freedom when looking at the bride

can. “I would also have to make my own choice and get married for love

can ”, emphasizes the journalist. He had three 'relationships' before his wedding

had, although nothing physically happened. “I had one during

the school days, one was a colleague here in Jaipur and one I met,

during my time in Hyderabad. It could have been

but then I was transferred to Jaipur, ”he says with a shrug.

Because of this and also because his parents were very happy that he was listening to their tradition

continued, he opted for an arranged marriage - and didn't

repented. “I've seen friends often enough that all the requirements

fit, the boy was great and so was the girl, but they still did

have not fallen in love. However, I can now say of myself

that I love my wife, ”he emphasizes and smiles.

It is true that she is not doing so well with his job and its irregular ones

Working hours are clear and must first be based on what is typical for Maharashtra

Get used to spicy food, but: "Marrying Minel was the right decision!"

4.4 Under a lucky star

The booking mask on the Indian Railways website is a modern one

Torture instrument. She asks for abbreviations I don't know there

cryptic instructions that I don't understand, and it also costs a lot

Time I don't have Since I have not just one ticket, but a whole

eleven need and the hustle and bustle in the "Reservation Office" of the Bangalore train station

I only have to go to the nearest travel agency. There

I meet Primal. He is the manager of the shop and orders first

two chai when I present him my ticket list.

He goes to work in silence and elicits the stubborn

System one for the other ticket. When the work is almost done

he can no longer contain himself. “What do you need them all for?” His

Curiosity has gained the upper hand. I willingly give information and

reap roaring laughter. “If you had said that earlier, I would have

Can tell you my story. I got two years after the right one

wanted. "The invitation to dinner, get to know a woman and




Watching the wedding DVD together is agreed a few minutes later

Thing. Two and a half hours using Indian Railways booking system

connect tremendously.

His home is in the modern suburb of Whitefield, which the IT industry is in

declared her playground for the past ten years. SAP, IBM, Wipro

they all built futuristic company headquarters here. Primals

The house, on the other hand, is a typical Indian four-story house with outside stairs and

Roof terrace, most of which he has rented. The front door of the second

His wife Nidhi opens the floor for us and immediately scurries back inside,

where a lonely candle burns Daily Powercut! “Switch from six to seven

they always turn the power off, ”Primal apologizes, as if he could do something

for the politics of the Indian energy companies.

When two cups of chai are steaming in front of us, he starts his

long way to tell Nidhi. She sits during the whole conversation

a little apart at the kitchen table and doesn't say a word. "That's not always like that",

Primal hurries to explain. "We usually talk to each other in Malyalam,

the language spoken in our homeland of Kerala. your

English is very bad. "

Much better, however, is her horoscope, which makes her the perfect woman for Primal

made. “The right constellation of stars was in my search for

me the main thing. 75 percent of happiness depends on the stars ",

he is convinced. That's why there was nothing with a seemingly perfect one

Candidate he met long before Nidhi. “If I had married her, would be

She became a widow at the age of 42, and two astrologers got me independent

prophesied from each other, ”says the 31-year-old with a shudder. Some

Disagreements could be resolved with certain temple ceremonies or pujas

equalize, but in this case it was impossible.

So he continued to commute between Bangalore and Canoor, where his parents were

live to meet girls weekend after weekend who

made it into the recall after a first review of the résumé and photos

came from the influential Vania Nair caste,

wealthy, educated, beautiful and born in the right place at the right time

were. “The partner search was so boring. You are wasting so

a lot of time driving back and forth. That's why my parents gave me

always presented a preselection which I then do at the weekend

one after the other. "

At the same time he put his profile on "Garuda" online, an online dating service

Platform that brought him inquiries from the USA and even Europe.

In the end, however, the 22-year-old Nidhi made the race, “because her birth star

'Uttarabhadrapada' and mine - 'Rohini' - fit according to one

My grandmother's list together perfectly, ”said Primal.




It is now ten past seven and the power is back. Immediately will

the DVD player started and the wedding DVD inserted. Who now a

shaky amateur film expected, will be disappointed, because "wedding filmmaker"

is a thriving profession in India. Dramatically highlighted with

traditional Hindi music and rapidly cut together, its flickers

Wedding in August 2007 on the TV screen. "That was in Calicut,

Kerala. It was still monsoon, it had rained, but the date was astrological


Primal rides high on his horse in traditional costume made of a white dress shirt

and white lungi - an ankle-length cloth - around the hips,

through the picture, escorted by his part of the 1,000 guests. When he was on the

When the wedding throne is seated, Nidhi appears in a deep pink

Silk sari wrapped and lavishly hung with gold jewelry and sits down

next to him. The holy fire flickers, the hour-long ceremony can begin.

“The wedding is just exhausting for the couple. First you swap

You put out the flower garlands, then you put the Mangal Sutra on your wife

(holy wedding chain) around, then you run around the fire and then stand

all relatives lining up to express their good wishes to you and

To bless you. In the end, you are dog-tired and hungry, ”is how he sums up the events

of almost two days in one sentence.

While Nidhi and Primal are on the screen each other like it

a custom wants to feed with bananas, he reveals the price of the spectacle.

Between five and ten lakh rupees, i.e. between 8,000 and 16,000

The complete package cost euros, but he doesn't remember that exactly. A

astronomical sum, considering that 80 percent of Indians are about about

1.50 euros per day. Primal's family is definitely not one of them, hers

Thank caste.

He's been a married man for over a year. Really happy

does he not look. “I would say 50/50. It is what it is, ”he evades

and suddenly adds with a smile: “At least I found a wife.

Not like my cousin. He's five months older than me and he's looking